Starlogesque

Maul Ain't No Shusher | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

It's time for another episode of…

Poor Quality Scan Time!

In tonight's installment, we find mega-tattooed villain Darth Maul at The Phantom Menace's theatrical premiere. Unfortunately for the patron in front, Maul has no qualms about making him aware he’s obstructing his view!

Featured in Starlog Magazine #276 (c.2000), I recently rediscovered this gag's existence after a brief visit to archive.org.

Hmmm... this may've been an accidental goof, but, the poor decapitated popcorn-lovin' patron depicted in the gag has an uncanny resemblance to Starlog's editor, David McDonnell.

Tonight on Buck Rogers : Twiki vs The Tamagotchi!

Remember that Tamagotchi fad decades ago? Anyone? Well, as Twiki quickly discovered, those things became exceedingly annoying pretty quickly!

An ol' gag of mine, originally published in Starlog #255 (20+yrs ago) in b/w, but recently colored here for your viewing.

Penned as my first published pseudonym “Big Bad Bubba” - c.1998 - back before changing to ”Bort”.

Wake Up That Force, For Pete's Sake! | "The Force Awakens" Pre-Release Gags

Back in 2012, upon hearing Mr. Lucas sold his company off to Disney Inc. - and the later news J.J. Abrams spearheading a continuation of the Star Wars saga - my initial thoughts were:

  • Why? Surely Mr. Lucas doesn’t need MORE money, no?

  • Will Disney Inc. leave Mr. Lucas’ “Star Wars” legacy untouched?

  • Abrams is a capable storyteller. I mean, look at the unbelievably great treatment he did reimagining the “Star Trek” universe! How could anyone of that stature - and a true “Star Wars” fan, mind you - ever, EVER go wrong?

Well, in this humble doodling hack’s opinion, HE DID! So horribly, awfully WROOOOOONG!!!

However, in the innocent speculative year prior to “The Force Awakens”’ release, I was damn excited.

Abrams’ 2009 “Star Trek” and the one after that were awesome!

His produced ABC’s “Lost” series was frickin’ brilliant! And, yes, that even applies to the final episode (a lot of people sincerely disagree with me, but they’re stupid poo-poo heads).

Aaaaanyway, I’m going way off the grid with this post…. let me steer back into the lane….

…. so, when it was announced the next “Star Wars” film’s title would be “The Force Awakens”, my Starlogesque-cartoonist brain started churning (for the first time since 2009) and ***BOOM!*** I sketched-up and facebook-posted this lovely piece of Starloggy gaggery:

Signed as “Big Bad Bubba Junior” - an amended callout to my 1st actual Starlog Magazine pseudonym (“Big Bad Bubba”).

Months later, there were rumors of the film’s production being delayed that could’ve pushed out the release date (it wasn’t true because… the internet!)… so I gave birth to another squishy gag:

Sidenote: 2015 came. The movie had just come out. I got my “The Force Awakens” tickets a week after general release (the waiting list was long, I remember). I got a primo seat. The theater darkened. I read the “Star Wars” intro crawl and …

… and…

…. well, I won’t lie to you…. HATED IT! The plotline was nothing grand, the characters’ motivation were idiotic & annoying, the pacing was irritatingly simple-minded… sooooo, I walked out ¾ the way through. My only regret was:

I wish I’d walked out way sooner!!!

Marvin's Planetary Brain | Another HHG2G toon

To quote wikipedia’s entry on Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’s Marvin, The Paranoid Android:

Marvin is afflicted with severe depression and boredom, in part because he has a "brain the size of a planet" which he is seldom, if ever, given the chance to use.

Thank goodness the 2005 film version of Marvin had a spherical head, perfect for some kind of planet gag!

Penned as “big Bad Bubba” - c.2005 - back before changing to ”Bort”.

A Bunch Of Ol' Battlestar Galactica Gags | From The Starlog Toon Archives

Behold! Battlestar Galactica toons!

These are, I think, ALL the BSG gags I did for Starlog over the years. there actually may be many more - I can’t recall every gag I did. Anyone having more-than-enough free time can browse every Starlog mag online from 1998 to 2009… please, let me know if you find a BSG-related gag that should belong here.

This post was inspired by a random Battlestar Galactica-referenced facebook post by Jim Cutler (you may recognize his voice over promos from MSNBC, Discovery Channel, et al).

Anyhoo, if your stomach can handle it, please enjoy the following:

Matrix's Cousin Itt | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

Circa 1999, from Starlog Magazine #268 (pg.10) is one of a number of Matrix gags I did at the time. Being decades old, how Cousin Itt* came to mind when doodling Matrix cartoon ideas is a head scratcher… I might’ve heard a discussion on radio about Itt, something along the lines of “… and all he is is a gigantic sentient fur ball…” So, being completely devoid of a central nervous system, Cousin Itt would naturally be immune to the machine world.

* As I learned afterwards, and recently relearned, in the gagline I’d spelt “Cousin It” with only one “T” - coinesseurs of Addams Family will point out the correct spelling is “Cousin Itt”.

"biddy-biddy-biddy" | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

From the (poorly scanned) pages of Starlog Magazine #268 (pg. 22 to be accurate) comes a “crossing the streams” gag - where one universe merges somewhat with another.

In this case, it's Vader sporting a new life support control box in the form of Dr. Theopolis from Buck Rogers In The 25th Century (Universal, 1979-1981). And thus, Vader's trademark breathing sound now sounds a lot like Twiki.

FYI: from 1998, my pen name for my gags was "B.B.B." (Big Bad Bubba) until 2006 when my BortQ. pseudonym took over.

Darth Maul And The Precog Tattoo | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

An old Starlog Magazine cartoon of mine - circe 1999 - a personal favorite.

When Phantom Menace hit the theatre over two decades ago (#yikes!), Darth Maul - despite not having enough screen presence than the character deserved (oh, but, by all means, let’s give more time and “dialogue” to that fuckstick JarJar! [#sarcasm]) - by gum, he was a wealth of gag material.

Happy Life Day | Starlog *FAKE* Cover #19

My third and last Starlog *fake* magazine cover, originally posted on Facebook’s Starlog Magazine Fan Group page - before banishment.

Was a little bored over whatever weekend I posted the *fake* cover; that, and after seeing numerous other *fake* cover efforts posted by group members (as hard to look at as they were) got me in the mood to - how can I put this - DO SOMETHING WAY BETTER!

Unused *fake* #19 cover.
The Star Wars Holiday Special originally had Chewbacca as a "Life Day" religious zealot with a Ralph Kramden-like temperament... before being completely rewritten with a variety-show focus.
Ah well.

This time ‘round, I decided not to deviate from the ACTUAL cover’s layout: just replace the main photography with a new hero painting (Chewie); drench the cover lines with parody and sarcasm; and creating two additional paintings to accompany the two main cover lines.

Below is my original Facebook post:

And below is the ACTUAL Starlog #19 cover as seen on newsstands in 1979, for comparison:

Below is the ACTUAL hero artwork used in the fake Starlog #41’s cover:

And below are the two extra paintings used in the main cover lines.

Leonard Nimoy From the 1978 remake of “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”. The red lighting “flare” - a happy accident!

Galactica’s “Athena” in body paint. Why pay for costume hire when you can just paint on a uniform?

 

DON'T PANIC! | Starlog *FAKE* Cover #22

This was my SECOND Starlog *fake* cover, originally posted on Facebook’s Starlog Magazine Fan Group page - before banishment. Created at a time when other members were posting fake covers of their own making.

For this installment, I wanted to create something meaningful for Towel Day - an annual celebration on the 25th of May, as a tribute to the late author Douglas Adams (1952-2001) and his pop-cultural masterpiece, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy saga. Learn a little more from wikipedia here.

To quote my Facebook post:

Unused *fake* cover from Spring 1979...
A flip-of-a-coin editorial decision, the choice was either Moonraker coverage or the 1st anniversary of Hitchhiker.
Ah well.

Painting the HHG2TG-themed artwork was the easy part… the hard part was thinking up cover lines that were (a) funny and (b) shout-outs honoring Douglas Adams’ universe.

Below is my original Facebook post:

And below is the ACTUAL Starlog #22 cover sold at newsstands in 1979, for comparison:

Below is the ACTUAL painting used in the fake Starlog #22’s cover:

Exclusive Grumpy Vader Interview | Starlog *FAKE* Cover #41

Originally posted on Facebook’s Starlog Magazine Fan Group page - before banishment - I created this at a time other members were posting fake covers of their own making.

For this one, I’d thought I’d throw a bit of design-ish layout knowledge into this piece, insert parody title callouts of the era (1980), and make it look like it just rolled off the presses.

Below is my original Facebook post:

And below is the ACTUAL Starlog #41 cover, for comparison:

And, if you give a hoot, here’s the ACTUAL artwork used in the fake Starlog #41’s cover: