starwars

Nobody Respects The Value Of A Flying Household Cleaning Utility In The Empire More Than Trooper Potter | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

To avoid further ridicule, Trooper Potter fails to disclose he also traded his blaster for a "magical" stick.

From the Starlog Toon Archives (Issue 306, Jan. 2003).

Who Knew "Ayers Rock" Would Be So Difficult To Spell? | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

Due to unpopular demand - and because I got nuthin' better to do right now - here's yet another gag exhumed after a recent dumpster dive into the Starlog cartoon repository.

Originally published in 1999 - issue #265, pg.18

As Mr. Lucas was adding smears of discarded doggy-doo-doo all over the final print of The Phantom Menace, around late 1998 he announced the remainder of the Star Wars prequels would be filmed in Sydney.

Couple that with a feeble satire of Meryl Streep's haunting line from "A Cry In The Dark"* and you have yourself a published toon, my friend!

* Come to think of it, when drafting the idea out as a rough sketch, I clearly remember "hearing" Seinfeld's Elaine character parodying Streep in a god-awful attempt at an Australian accent: click here to watch.

Fun Trivia Bit

Because I was/am an atrocious speller, I submitted the rough idea to Sir David McDonnell, Esq. and, from his office 10,353 miles away, informed me I'd incorrectly spelt the words on the sign that now reads "AYERS ROCK" -- I phonetically spelt it as "AIRES ROCK".

For Anakin's Next Trick, He Will Turn Himself Into A Bat! BLAUGH! | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

While I'm in the mood of bothering everyone with tired old Phantom Menace cartoons…

… here's another from 1999 (Starlog magazine #267 pg.94) parodying one of the film's teaser posters featuring young asshat Anakin casting a shadow of Grumpy Darth Vader, with cues from Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992).

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Tonight At Chuckle, The Hutt | Scribble-Dee-Doo-Dahs #058

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This laughin’ out loud Chewbacca bust is a full-on scaled-up version of a Post-it Note doodle that’s been stuck to my iMac at work for almost 4 years.

And if you don’t what this piece of garbage is referencing, here’s a clue.

Watto's Gone Quackers | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

For me, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was one of the all-time inspirational movies of 1999.

"Inspirational" in terms of how gut-wrenchingly BAD it was that I managed to conjure up so many gags in the aftermath of the film's 1st screening - for which I literally ran out of the theater to as soon as the end credits rolled up in the likely event I was to hurl - and get published in Starlog magazine.

This one, published in '99 - issue #268, pg.22 - pokes fun at Lucasfilm's ultimate bad movie from 1986, Howard, The Duck.

Psst! Guess What?

To this day, I've never been able to sit through the entire Howard movie - in all, I may have only seen 20 minutes total.

It's hard to believe, but... I do have my dignity.

Update (November 4, 2021):

I was recently labelled as "ignorant" in response to a cartoon I did years ago ridiculing Howard The Duck and its lousiness.

Ignorant, am I?!

Well… that may be true.

So, to further antagonize those fowl masses, I'm wearing a headdress made entirely of torn-out Howard The Duck comic covers.

The fact that there are "Howard, The Duck" movie defenders out there surprises me most of all!!

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More Mindless Mess | Scribble-Dee-Doo-Dahs #007

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Yet another Scribble-dee-doo-dah Day.

Clockwise, from top-left: space cadets foot patrolling it on an untamed alien surface; drew this while watching Trump at his N.J. Bedminster golf course as he declared - yet again - "the virus will disappear" in front of a supportive covid-19-ignorant rich bastard audience (golf clubs/bags represents said audience); Don Vader "enlightens" Capt. Needa the need to be less incompetent; and our space cadets run into some trouble with marauding space mollusks.

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A Different Point Of View | From The BortyBlog Archives

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A collection of limited-run toons I did (circa 2006) for "A Different Point Of View".

"ADPOV" was a series of audio essays - featured on FarPoint Media Network’s Wingin' It podcast - about the Star Wars Universe as seen through the eyes of hard-working sandtrooper, TD-0013.

These essays are available on Apple iTunes. Also available to play online here.

As a fan, I emailed half-a-dozen ADPOV-themed gags, titled "TeeDee" (the first two letters in the character's I.D. number) to ADPOV's creator... he liked 'em! He blogged 'em.

It also helped having some street-cred, of sorts, in terms of being a (then) currently published cartoonist in the (then) most well-known sci-fi media magazine around.

All 26 toons, including some extra stuff (featured below), were published on ADPOV's own blog from late-2006 to 2008.

And here are the EXTRAS I promised earlier (with captioned explanations):

Maul Ain't No Shusher | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

It's time for another episode of…

Poor Quality Scan Time!

In tonight's installment, we find mega-tattooed villain Darth Maul at The Phantom Menace's theatrical premiere. Unfortunately for the patron in front, Maul has no qualms about making him aware he’s obstructing his view!

Featured in Starlog Magazine #276 (c.2000), I recently rediscovered this gag's existence after a brief visit to archive.org.

Hmmm... this may've been an accidental goof, but, the poor decapitated popcorn-lovin' patron depicted in the gag has an uncanny resemblance to Starlog's editor, David McDonnell.

Wake Up That Force, For Pete's Sake! | "The Force Awakens" Pre-Release Gags

Back in 2012, upon hearing Mr. Lucas sold his company off to Disney Inc. - and the later news J.J. Abrams spearheading a continuation of the Star Wars saga - my initial thoughts were:

  • Why? Surely Mr. Lucas doesn’t need MORE money, no?

  • Will Disney Inc. leave Mr. Lucas’ “Star Wars” legacy untouched?

  • Abrams is a capable storyteller. I mean, look at the unbelievably great treatment he did reimagining the “Star Trek” universe! How could anyone of that stature - and a true “Star Wars” fan, mind you - ever, EVER go wrong?

Well, in this humble doodling hack’s opinion, HE DID! So horribly, awfully WROOOOOONG!!!

However, in the innocent speculative year prior to “The Force Awakens”’ release, I was damn excited.

Abrams’ 2009 “Star Trek” and the one after that were awesome!

His produced ABC’s “Lost” series was frickin’ brilliant! And, yes, that even applies to the final episode (a lot of people sincerely disagree with me, but they’re stupid poo-poo heads).

Aaaaanyway, I’m going way off the grid with this post…. let me steer back into the lane….

…. so, when it was announced the next “Star Wars” film’s title would be “The Force Awakens”, my Starlogesque-cartoonist brain started churning (for the first time since 2009) and ***BOOM!*** I sketched-up and facebook-posted this lovely piece of Starloggy gaggery:

Signed as “Big Bad Bubba Junior” - an amended callout to my 1st actual Starlog Magazine pseudonym (“Big Bad Bubba”).

Months later, there were rumors of the film’s production being delayed that could’ve pushed out the release date (it wasn’t true because… the internet!)… so I gave birth to another squishy gag:

Sidenote: 2015 came. The movie had just come out. I got my “The Force Awakens” tickets a week after general release (the waiting list was long, I remember). I got a primo seat. The theater darkened. I read the “Star Wars” intro crawl and …

… and…

…. well, I won’t lie to you…. HATED IT! The plotline was nothing grand, the characters’ motivation were idiotic & annoying, the pacing was irritatingly simple-minded… sooooo, I walked out ¾ the way through. My only regret was:

I wish I’d walked out way sooner!!!

"biddy-biddy-biddy" | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

From the (poorly scanned) pages of Starlog Magazine #268 (pg. 22 to be accurate) comes a “crossing the streams” gag - where one universe merges somewhat with another.

In this case, it's Vader sporting a new life support control box in the form of Dr. Theopolis from Buck Rogers In The 25th Century (Universal, 1979-1981). And thus, Vader's trademark breathing sound now sounds a lot like Twiki.

FYI: from 1998, my pen name for my gags was "B.B.B." (Big Bad Bubba) until 2006 when my BortQ. pseudonym took over.

Darth Maul And The Precog Tattoo | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

An old Starlog Magazine cartoon of mine - circe 1999 - a personal favorite.

When Phantom Menace hit the theatre over two decades ago (#yikes!), Darth Maul - despite not having enough screen presence than the character deserved (oh, but, by all means, let’s give more time and “dialogue” to that fuckstick JarJar! [#sarcasm]) - by gum, he was a wealth of gag material.

Meesa Luvs Star Wars Shorts!

Now, before you condemn me, lemme explain…

Doodled up as a Facebook comment in a post by Starlog's editor, David McDonnell, where he briefly chronicles Lucasfilm/Cartoon Network's "Clone Wars" micro-series - or shorts - made around 2003-2005.

Hence… the shorts.

On its own and without context, this doodle makes no sense. I suppose it could make an okay t-shirt print... yet, set aside the anything-Star-Wars-is-great crazies out there, who'd wear it?

Happy Life Day | Starlog *FAKE* Cover #19

My third and last Starlog *fake* magazine cover, originally posted on Facebook’s Starlog Magazine Fan Group page - before banishment.

Was a little bored over whatever weekend I posted the *fake* cover; that, and after seeing numerous other *fake* cover efforts posted by group members (as hard to look at as they were) got me in the mood to - how can I put this - DO SOMETHING WAY BETTER!

Unused *fake* #19 cover.
The Star Wars Holiday Special originally had Chewbacca as a "Life Day" religious zealot with a Ralph Kramden-like temperament... before being completely rewritten with a variety-show focus.
Ah well.

This time ‘round, I decided not to deviate from the ACTUAL cover’s layout: just replace the main photography with a new hero painting (Chewie); drench the cover lines with parody and sarcasm; and creating two additional paintings to accompany the two main cover lines.

Below is my original Facebook post:

And below is the ACTUAL Starlog #19 cover as seen on newsstands in 1979, for comparison:

Below is the ACTUAL hero artwork used in the fake Starlog #41’s cover:

And below are the two extra paintings used in the main cover lines.

Leonard Nimoy From the 1978 remake of “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”. The red lighting “flare” - a happy accident!

Galactica’s “Athena” in body paint. Why pay for costume hire when you can just paint on a uniform?

 

Exclusive Grumpy Vader Interview | Starlog *FAKE* Cover #41

Originally posted on Facebook’s Starlog Magazine Fan Group page - before banishment - I created this at a time other members were posting fake covers of their own making.

For this one, I’d thought I’d throw a bit of design-ish layout knowledge into this piece, insert parody title callouts of the era (1980), and make it look like it just rolled off the presses.

Below is my original Facebook post:

And below is the ACTUAL Starlog #41 cover, for comparison:

And, if you give a hoot, here’s the ACTUAL artwork used in the fake Starlog #41’s cover: